Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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