Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
the condom got lost in my hair
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I smell like Dick and happiness
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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