I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
