I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
