god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
