I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
