Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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