just come out here and I will go home with you...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
