Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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