The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
