I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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