i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
