On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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