You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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