Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
