You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
