It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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