I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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