Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
