ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
