you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
