used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
