you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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