get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
