He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
