Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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