I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
