Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
