you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
