Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
