I'm lost and stupid without you.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
