just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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