Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
