I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
