My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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