i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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