it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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