thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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