Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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