I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
