Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
