one word: firstdatebathroomanal
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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