i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
