Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She announced her abortion via fbk
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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