my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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