I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
