didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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