I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
