great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My life is pants optional.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
