Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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