You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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