apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
