I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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