Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
