11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
