Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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